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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The low-down on Fat

O.k., so here goes. This is a long blog. But I have to put it down in writing so it's down and over with.

I am so inspired by others.

I have always said that I NEVER lose weight.
In fact, the only time my weight ever went DOWN was when I was daily using methamphetamine (that's speed -- an illegal narcotic, for all you non-addicts out there).

My bestest friend's wedding was September 12th and I was a bridesmaid. We were fitted for our dresses in June. At that time the bridal shop said my measurements were for either a size 18 or 20. My best friend looked at me and said "Well, do you plan on losing weight before the wedding?". I said "My body NEVER loses weight". We opted for the size 20.
Throughout June and July, I was homeless, living in my other "best" friend's living room. I was so stressed out living there, and my impending out-of-state move, that I could not force myself to eat dinners. I ended up losing 15 lbs. A first in my life.
In August, when I picked up my dress, it was 2 sizes too big. Cuz I love spending money I don't have, especially on last-minute alterations for the first time in my life.

On Sept 12th (that's right, I left FROM the wedding), I moved to Oregon w/ my child, boyfriend, & his best friend. With the exception of my beautiful child, we are all grossly overweight.

My boyfriend has taken up EA Active on the Wii. The EA Active on the Wii SUCKS.
His best friend states he'll take up the gym when he can afford it. States "you're not gonna catch him sweating in his underwear in his living room".
My boyfriend even buys light mayonnaise and carrots & celery for snacks. He had gastric bypass few years ago. He thinks his stomach has stretched back out now as if he never had it though. He wants to buy a new scale due to mine only going up to 300. I told him NO!!!! You lose weight!!!

I'm already bipolar. I'm in a new place, with no job, no friends, no money. The boys currently work from noon to 10pm. I'm alone all day... Getting the motivation to do anything, diet or workout, is rough. I don't even have the motivation to do the things I actually NEED to do.

As previously blogged, I hate the wii. But I've discovered fitness videos on youtube. Very cool. I just need to do a few a day. Especially until I can afford to get a bike.
Another girl's blog reccommends the site: Nutrimirror.com to moniter calories, etc. Also, on ExHotGirl's blog she has a weight loss ticker. I'm totally adding that to my blog too!
There are so many girls blogging about their weight loss journey... It's amazing!! And so many success stories.
I also will be blogging about my cooking skills.... and lack thereof. I need recipes. I need help.

My biggest problem right now is I started in June at 205 lbs. I now am approx 187 lbs. And it feels SO wonderful. I need so much further to go. I need to not be proud at something handed to me.
And I know, once my boyfriend (who a few years ago went from 430 lbs to 190 lbs) starts losing weight, I'm going to go insane with jealousy. I am so jealously competitive with men. It's a sickness.

Join me in my battle of motivation, diet, exercise, emotionality, cooking, & inner research.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Tonight, the REAL reason why I started a blog, happened again.

My daughter, 11, supposedly with ADHD, threw another tantrum.

She blames, accuses, whines, cries, stomps, hits, throws, aggravates.... for a little over an hour.

At times, I feel so bad for her. She cannot control herself. She cannot pull herself together.

Then it happens. My own patience level hits its max. She HAS to be touching me. Screaming. Hitting. Pulling. Tugging. Accusing.

I have to get away and lock myself in another room while she screams and cries and beats on the door.

The anger boils up. I think and fear the worst. I want to call the police. Child services. I'm the worst mother on the planet. Why did God give me this child? Why did God give this poor child me as a mother? I have gone through it ALL. I have done the Nanny 911 lessons.

Eventually, weariness kicks in. She subsides and is sad and emotionally hurt.

I know she has these problems inside her and they manifest themselves into this nightmare when she can no longer take it.

HOW do I cure these problems?????

What can one do????

Exercise is for the motivated

I tried laaaame EA Active yesterday.... First the thigh holster would NOT stay on!!! I had to practically cut off circulation to keep it on. Then I took off my pants (my boyfriend just does the whole thing naked), and had it strapped to my bare leg. Not so wonderful. Then tried to do the 2nd exercise: Squats. But if you don't do the squat deep enough, it doesn't acknowledge it.
So I quit it. But I do have to find some way to exercise.. seeing as how I'm not so good at the whole diet thing... barely have enough money to buy groceries for dinner...

Update @ 3:45 pm.... I found some videos online... discovered free workout videos (good ones by Spark People) on Youtube....
However..... I feel like it's going to take me DAYS to work up to this.... I could only complete about 4 minutes of one and one minute of another....

Monday, September 28, 2009

Rape is o.k. after 30 years

I cannot believe all the media coverage of Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland. The news is hot to report on France & Europe's non-understanding of the "American" way of torturing a man for "no reason".
This man tricked a 13 year old girl into a photo shoot (he was a famous director), drugged her (with quaaludes and champagne), and then (perhaps anally) raped her (she's since admitted to saying no only a few times before giving up).
The girl herself is now tired of the constant bringing up of something that happened in her life 30 years ago. The media sensationalizing surrounding the trial made her give up her desires of modeling and acting. She wants to live. Somehow, to government officials, that means she wishes this man be free???
Perhaps she's tired of testifying after 30 years. Quit asking her.
So since he's run for 30 years, it's now o.k.?
No big deal.
Rape 13 year old girls. Do not turn yourself in during sentencing. Become famous. All is forgiven?
Somebody PLEASE STOP REPORTING ON FRANCE'S OUTRAGE over this ridiculous event.
Somebody PLEASE PUT THIS MAN IN PRISON for the rest of his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Do not ask France if they care. In fact, inform France we have MANY more pedophiles behind bars in our country, and if they'd like, they can have THEM in exchange. They should go for that, right?
One pedophile rapist in exchange for thousands.
They should JUMP at the chance.